The INFJ is often classified as an Empath, and ascribed the ability to read emotions better than any other personality type. Yes, INFJs are argued to have the highest emotional intelligence of all personality types. It’s said that the nature of our personality type allows us to make gifted counsellors. In this article, I’m going to show you why this is a complete misunderstanding and instead, we will talk about the true nature of the INFJ as Introverted iNtuitives.
Why It Is Wrong To Call INFJs Empaths
Introverted iNtuition is the strongest cognitive function of the INFJ personality type
Firstly, Introverted iNtuition occupies the primary position of the INFJ. Introverted iNtuition has nothing to do with empathy or emotional intelligence in and of itself. It is a detached, cerebral function that grants the ability to visualise ideas in a vivid shape and form. INFJs experience thoughts and ideas clearly in their own mind’s eye.
The natural state of the INFJ is as a realiser of ideas, someone that brings ideas out to the world. In particular, INFJs show a tremendous ability to focus and have an intense self-discipline. They can patiently work on one idea at a time, seeking to nurture and bring it up to it’s fullest potential. That means the INFJ is primarily a Creator, not an Empath.
This is the most natural trait of the INFJ and this is how the INFJ should be understood. So why is that not the case? First of all, most of this process happens inside the head of the INFJ. Friends and family members may have no idea that this process is there in the first place, as this is not always shared or expressed. Many INFJs keep their ideas to themselves. Instead, what people see is the Extroverted function of the INFJ. Extroverted Feeling.
Extroverted Feeling is only the second function of the INFJ
First of all, Extroverted Feeling is the second cognitive function of the INFJ personality type. That means this is a secondary trait, valued as a goal and as something positive, sure. However, it is also something an INFJ has to work to develop, and the INFJ Extroverted Feeling acts as a kind of parental guide figure to the INFJ. INFJs experience pressure to live in a way that is appropriate and kind, feeling it is a must and a demand put on them, a duty if you may. As an INFJ you might feel that:
- You MUST do the right thing by other people
- You have no choice but to help others
- You are forced to speak kindly or to show forgiveness
- That you need to laugh away conflicts
- That you always need to be positive or set a good mood for the tribe
This is how INFJs experience their Feeling function, as a shackle or duty. Over time, this can make the INFJ feel burdened by their relationships to other people. While the INFJ gets a strong sense of purpose and motivation from this duty, it also becomes a hard ideal to live up to. People count on you to always be weighed and measured in everything you say and do, and to always help them, because that’s the energy that you radiate to the world. But it gets exhausting to maintain this lifestyle for long. That’s why many INFJs escape to Introverted Thinking.
INFJs have strong Introverted Thinking
INFJs see Feeling as the goal of their actions, and the goal is that their ideas and natural creativity comes to be valued by the tribe and the community, and that their ideas have a lasting legacy in the world. But Thinking is the means to this end, and INFJs can show excellent thinking. In order to realise your ideas as an INFJ, you may need exceptional skill and talent. Lack of talent will mean that your ideas, no matter how much potential, cannot be expressed in their true form.
Introverted Thinking allows the INFJ to work through inconsistencies and problems with their ideas, so that their ideas can become the fullest version possible. But it should be said, using this process comes at the expense of cutting yourself off from other people. INFJs may often detach themselves from other people in order to work through flaws and issues.
Even if they don’t literally cut themselves off from other people, INFJs that use Introverted Thinking can come of as cold or detached to their friends and partners. This function makes the INFJ deeply self-critical, intense, and serious. The INFJ loses their natural sense of humor, and becomes obsessed with their work.
Who is the real Empath?
First of all, INFJs can definitely find themselves interested in psychology and understanding the human mind, but primarily in order to come up with theories and discoveries that they can use to help people better understand themselves and other people. INFJs rarely become pure counsellors, who’s goal and motivation focuses purely on the individual or person. This role is better fit by other types, such as the ISFJ or INFP personality types. ISFJs are far more nurturing and make better pure caretakers, as they are more oriented towards preservation. INFPs are naturally gifted at interpreting emotions, using their Introverted Feeling to analyse and introspect and understand the feelings of themselves and other people.
INFJs are drained by the act of caring for and supporting other people, which is why INFJs that try too hard to fit the role of caretakers, often end up being the most prone to doorslams. INFJs that overinvest themselves into supportive roles in relationships often become burdened by this over time.
The INFJ Empath is at best a myth or legend, raised from a misconception of the INFJs true nature. Perhaps friends and family members who have observed the INFJ have seen that INFJs, for short periods of time, in small doses, have shown tremendous care and been highly duty-bound healers. But our abilities in that domain are highly underestimated. Yes, I’d definitely pass over the Empath crown to ISFJs. But I’d rather call the ISFJ counsellors.
Perhaps Empaths are just people with trauma
Bear with me here. Perhaps empaths are just people who have experienced trauma. Kids raised in hostile environments with strong innate nurturing traits can become hyper-sensitive to emotions. You may find yourself reading everyone’s feelings out of fear of someone becoming angry or violent or toxic. You may feel a need to treat or help other people before the bomb goes off, and you may be constantly on edge trying to jump when someone shows the slightest sign of anger, pain or sadness.
Ask yourself the following:
- Is it easy for you to set boundaries for yourself?
- Can you distinguish between your own emotions and others feelings?
- Can you “turn off” others emotions?
- Are you fearful/avoidant of conflict?
These things can be signs of trauma or attachment issues. If you find that these issues cause problems in your life and make it hard for you to truly open up and connect with others, consider seeking therapy or counselling. It can really help. Another thing to do is open up about it to friends and family members so they can be aware of this with you and help you through these issues.
What are your experiences?
Do you consider yourself an Empath?
How do you see the INFJ?
erikkk, dont shortchange yourself. you and the ‘ni ti’ description arent the same type. you’re incredibly sweet and kind. ni fe describes you better if we’re gonna be honst. it doesnt matter what type you are, but youre clearly a feeler and a very empathic person.
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feelinterverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples Like extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples Like extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples Like extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality Is I’m a very positive thinker I’m not afraid of change And I love challenges the world’s my playground I love reprogramming my brain
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples They know what to say to comfort somebody and extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality Is are great listeners And I’m non judgmental ..I’m a very positive thinker I’m not afraid of change And I love challenges the world’s my playground I love reprogramming my brain
erikkk, dont shortchange yourself. you and the ‘ni ti’ description arent the same type. you’re incredibly sweet and kind. ni fe describes you better if we’re gonna be honst. it doesnt matter what type you are, but youre clearly a feeler and a very empathic person.
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feelinterverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples Like extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples Like extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples Like extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality Is I’m a very positive thinker I’m not afraid of change And I love challenges the world’s my playground I love reprogramming my brain
I’m a infj-a personality I love helping others I’m a empath I understand emotional state I feel other people’s emotions in my physical body I know how to engage with the person that is feeling negative emotions After helping that person I give their emotions back to the person I don’t absorb them And it doesn’t make me drained It makes me happy.. Of course I do a lot of self care about myself I’m a healthy INFJ I use All my 4 of functions You just have to limit yourself on socializing and and no when to recharge your social batteries And I have high self esteem and high confidence about myself I can pick up patterns on people’s behavior or situations I know myself a 100%.. Any interverted feeling types feel their own emotions not other peoples They know what to say to comfort somebody and extraverted feeling Types like infjs personality Is are great listeners And I’m non judgmental ..I’m a very positive thinker I’m not afraid of change And I love challenges the world’s my playground I love reprogramming my brain
I can very much relate to this. Thank you for sharing.
I’m not an INFJ so I can see this a bit more clearly without bias. I’ve worked with several INFJ’s and other Types on a big project that has to create texts that help to understand and move others. You need a high level of Empathy to do this. What I’ve observed, and it was fascinating, is that INFJ are NOT Empaths. Empathy means that you can feel (emotional) or imagine (cognitive) the feelings of others strongly, but this would already need a level of extroversion. There was a clear difference: all extroverted people did much easier in that project, and all – without expection – introverted failed, but let me continue:
In this project I observed to be the INFJ’s very sensitive and hurtful, but not to others, more to themselves. If they had to rewrite phrases, they corrected what hurted themselves and rewrote it more pleasant. They could not anticipate emotions from others. But the ENFJ’s I worked with, they were scarily high in Empathy. They corrected all the phrases in a manner that showed a deep understanding in other. I do not wonder that many call ENFJ’s manipulative but in a supportive way.
There are two types of empathy: cognitive and emotional empathy. ENFJ’s have both of them, and ENTJ’s have a high level of cognitive empathy. There is a reason why ENxJ Types are the called the leaders and often end up as the leaders, it’s Empathy, either emotional or cognitive Empathy. INxJ’s do not often end up as leaders.
INFJ’s, the type I often see recognized with the “Magical Thinking Bias” (a cognitive bias in behavioural science), WANT to believe that they are empathic, but the truth is from all INFJ’s I personally know and from that big project I wrote above, is that INFJ’s are NOT empathetic, it is a MYTH led by wishful (magical) thinking. An INFJ is not able to recognize this. But do you wonder why INFJ’s are not popular among people? Do you wonder why they do not have many friends? Do you wonder why they always talk about being exhausted by social situations, and not even might think that this is “the big excuse” they use? If you would be good at something it would not exhaust you, and INFJ’s are not good at understanding people, but strongly, as many are highly sensitive persons (HSP’s) to understand their – and only their – own feelings.
And the comments from the INFJ’s here:
To summarize: I saw on my year long experience and on that revealing project that INFJ’s are not empathetic, but they deeply wish to have empathy due to their magical thinking bias. The more I got to know INFJ’s, the more I began to avoid them. INFJ’s are those that are most disconnected to reality, but not in a good way.