Have you ever wondered who you should date based on your MBTI or 16 personalities type?
In a recent video I denounced the idea that you should date an opposite and instead argued based on what modern science says about relationship happiness and success. And the insight will surprise you.
Instead of dating your opposite, date someone who is similar to you, either in terms of their MBTI, or by having a similar background, culture, or worldview. The Ideal Relationship Based On Your Myers Briggs Personality Type is someone identical or at least fairly similar to you.
Why You Should Date Someone Similar To You
Most people tend to go for a person with similar values, attitudes, temperament, and preferences to themselves. In fact, in general, people tend to be at least 80% similar to their partners in terms of values and preferences. So why do so many think you should date your opposite?
The idea of dating your opposite might make sense on paper. They’d complete you. They’d fill in all the holes in your life that you’re missing. But the practical reality tends to show the opposite picture. When dating our opposite, we often have conflicts, clashes, and struggles. If one partner loves to travel while the other prefers to save and focus on the house and settling down. That’s something that can cause major issues in your relationship. And while these issues can be resolved through good communication and emotional maturity, in general, a more similar partner is preferable.
Now, some differences can actually be good for you, and your personal growth. Small differences can be complementary and allow you to work together and can help you think outside the box. While frustrating at times, the conflict can allow you to learn new things. Remember, people change all the time, and both you, your partner, and your relationship can change over time. In fact, the longer we stay together, the more similar we become. So watch who you date: it may end up transforming you as a person.
Below is a chart showing the ideal partner based on your MBTI.
Don’t date somebody just because of their Myers Briggs Personality Type
What is important to mention here is that two ENFPs can be very different, depending on where they grew up, education background, worldview, and goals in life, as well as their emotional health and well-being. So picking a partner purely based on their MBTI is a dangerous habit. Most people have a personal subtype and preference. For example, you can be moderately extroverted, or highly extroverted. And so, this can affect your choice in a partner too. An enFP with a strong preference for feeling and perceiving might find more of a connection with an isFP, simply because of their subtype.
Being too focused on what type you want to date can also keep you from having important and positive experiences with other people. People that are too narrow on what they want or look for in a partner might get stuck. Stuck in a game where they find themselves constantly swiping left. Wanting a relationship to be 100% perfect, and avoiding conflict and challenge, can keep you from growing and finding happiness as a person. Remember that you, your partner, and your relationship can grow. If you both are willing to put in the effort, anything is possible.
I’ve often found that the most important thing is to focus on who you want to be a person and what life you want for yourself. If you can have that clear for yourself, relationships become a lot easier. People who don’t know what they want for themselves often don’t know what they want for a partner. So think about what your ideal life would look life, where you’d like to live, how you feel about children, and what your goals in life are. What do you want to do and what hobbies do you enjoy? By having this clear for yourself, and living that life in practice… You’ll be more likely to attract the kind of person that you’re looking for. By simply putting yourself out there, going out and enjoying your life and your hobbies, you’ll meet cool people like yourself.
