What are the gifts of extroverted feelers? Perhaps the biggest misconception is that an EXFJ is an irrational type. No, feeling is a very rational function. Extroverted feeling is a symbolical, story-based way of understanding and managing your environment. Extroverted feelers feel an instinct to express themselves around others. Read more about it here.
An EXFJ processes the world as a story or an episode in a TV-show, and understands people’s motives and actions socially. They rely on qualitative thinking and a more informal, unconscious logic to identify the best decision. The gifts of extroverted feelers are many. When healthy, they preach harmony, but they are not unfamiliar to conflict. They have the power both to connect people and to divide them. So use the gifts of extroverted feelers with wisdom.
The first thing you need to know about extroverted feelers
Our primary gift is that we care. We care about everything, everyone, and all that we see. Yes, we feel instantly connected to the people we see, no matter how briefly. And we are impacted by everything we hear and see people say and do. Everything means something to us. Everyone becomes connected to us. We have a relation to everyone. That is the source of all the below ten gifts of extroverted feelers:
1. Understand everyone in the room
What are their stories? How do they dress? What values and beliefs do they represent? What do they express the most? Extroverted feelers understand people quickly, and in a broad, big-picture-oriented manner. We understand you by your general theme or your bigger drive. We see the most pronounced and well expressed part of you. We may not see the nuances as deeply as an introverted feeler, but we “get” you. Quickly.
2. Master the social codes
What informal rules do people live by? How do people respond to my beliefs and my actions and what stories do people relate to. What is it people like and dislike? Through being in touch with everyone, an extroverted feeler can come into closer contact with the bigger story of humanity. What are everyone’s similarities? Even if people are fragmented, you can always find something that connects people.
3. See how people connect and disconnect
What themes of beliefs and what social patterns exist in a room? Do you know which different social groups and cliques exist? How can we reconcile between different groups, making all the different sub-cultures feel more connected to each others? An EXFJ understands and studies how a persons personal opinions fit into the whole. How do your beliefs impact others? Where do your beliefs come from? To an EXFJ, we are all connected. An EXFJ feels connections strongly and almost spiritually, like they can always feel the presence of others, even when alone.
4. Storytelling
EXFJs rely on storytelling and archetypal communication, relying on strong images, metaphors, and messages that connect people to the bigger world around them. Dark and light. Right and wrong. Life and death. Heroes and villains. By storytelling, you can make people reflect on their life and their experiences. You can make people see each others from a bigger perspective, and the story can help people process conflicts, violence, and difficulties.
5. What is the theme or bigger social story surrounding a person?
Extroverted feelers are prone to coming up with stories or spiritual belief systems that explain and help guide their actions. “The Force” is one way an ENFJ could explain what drives their action, a bigger connection to a theme or belief framework that they understand instinctively. This idea that there is a bigger story driving them and guiding them to happiness.
6. Awareness of karma and social value
Extroverted feelers rely on a more or less explicit idea of karma or a greater social justice that exists around all of us. They judge people by their karma and their social status, and karma here comes from good, selfless deeds, in line with the bigger story or belief framework. An EXFJ often secretly fantasizes about giving themselves up to and putting their life on the line for the sake of standing up for their beliefs.
7. Understanding people’s stories and journeys
Extroverted feelers have the ability to study people’s way of dressing, living, and acting to understand people’s stories and journeys in life. What are people trying to achieve? Where are they headed? How are people changing/developing overtime? How are my relationships to others changing?
8. Social troubleshooters
If someone is behaving badly, an EXFJ is good at analyzing the cause behind it. Rather than understanding the other person as simply a bad person, an EXFJ can find the story or the belief that drives another persons actions, and can make quick changes to intercept or respond to the persons beliefs. This is a way to help people back to the group in terms of difficulty.
9. Warmth and passion
EXFJs have a high amount of warmth and passion to share with the world. They feel intimately connected to their bigger ideals or belief system and work hard to champion this cause. An ENXJ will pride themselves on being loyal and committed to their beliefs. They create compelling dichotomies and stories with clear antagonists and heroes. They create sharp contrast between the beliefs they represent, and the beliefs others represent.
10. Living by your bigger beliefs
Extroverted feelers pride themselves on living up to their bigger beliefs. They try hard to live as they preach and to show their beliefs in both speech and action. Moral consistency is important to an extroverted feeling type. Everything I believe has to make sense with everything else I believe. If my beliefs are connected to a bigger system, that means they are more objective, and that gives you the confidence to speak out about them.
What gifts of extroverted feelers have you come to develop the most?
