INFJ Self-destructiveness | The INFJ Personality Type is a master of many things, sadly, one of them is self-destructive and INFJ passive-aggressiveness. But why and what are the common self-destructive tendencies of the INFJ personality type? Discover that and more in today’s article!

I have identified five key self-destructive patterns in the INFJ Personality Type:

• The tendency to isolate from other people in times of hardship
• Refusing to show kindness and generosity towards yourself
• Making yourself into a martyr
• Refusing to express negative emotion or be vulnerable
• Hiding or changing your personality to fit others needs

Ultimately, all of these patterns can lead to problems in life, in connecting with and having relationships with others.

So what can INFJ do to recognise and address these patterns in themselves? Let’s talk about INFJ Self-destructiveness.

Recognising self-destructive behaviour as an INFJ

The INFJ personality type, because of Introverted iNtuition and Extroverted Feeling being the dominant tendencies in the personality, tends to regard itself as a non-human, spiritual entity that encompasses the needs of the people and humanity as a whole. Because Extroverted iNtuition and Introverted Feeling are unconscious, these are perceived as outside entities. The INFJ is more like a cloud, encompassing and feeling oneness with all.

Individuality and freedom are real and important things, but the INFJ is detached from these concepts and does not consider it for themselves. No matter if you are feeling healthy or not at the time, failure to integrate with and recognise your own individuality and freedom, and your own rights as an individual, will lead to a slow disintegration of the self. Ultimately, you must learn to see yourself and your own needs and to recognise your own humanity in yourself.

Failure to recognise your own needs and to express yourself authentically will lead to a slow spiral. The problem is, sometimes, this process will feel good and positive. During positive phases, you are feeling great. You are connecting with and relating to people, you are helping others, and you are being a positive force in the universe. You feel good, as you can see that other people are happy and appreciate your efforts. However, white clouds soon turn dark. Eventually, this feeling passes, and there is a feeling of failure and emptiness. People are being miserable, you are not able to help everyone, there is pain in the world, and you are powerless or incompetent to stop it.

Addressing self-destructive behaviour in INFJs

The first step is recognising that seemingly positive actions, like putting others needs before your own, or connecting with and making other people feel seen, can be negative, if you do it the wrong way.

Tips for the INFJ Personality Type

• Do not connect with other people by pretending to be too much like them, but instead connect with other people by being your authentic self
• Help other people, but ask for help too – give other people a chance to be as important to you, as you are to them
• Give people you trust a chance to see you struggle and fail and stumble, so that they don’t think that you are inhuman
• Do not suffer for the sake of other people – nobody asks you to
• Do not treat other people any different to how you would treat yourself

As a partner, friend or family member of an INFJ, you too can help combat INFJ self-destructiveness.

Tips for friends and family members of INFJs

• You can see that they too are human and that they struggle and have problems just like anyone else
• That you are available to help them if they just ask
• That they need to communicate their needs to you – that you cannot just read their mind and magically know what they expect
• To not try to take away your pain or suffering – or to hold it for you. You are capable of dealing with your own problems.
• That they deserve kindness, love and respect

Are you an INFJ or a friend of an INFJ? What are your observations about this tendency in INFJs?

More about INFJ desintegration in this video.

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