Why Are ENFPs Shy?

A lot of ENFPs state that they suffer from being shy or having social anxiety. Social anxiety is very different from being introverted, because the person may want to go out and do things, but feel they can’t because they don’t dare to or because they feel anxious in social situations. While introverted personality types may take comfort in being alone, ENFPs thrive on and seek meaningful bonds and connection. The culprit may be sensing and judging, and introversion and thinking.

Essentially, ENFPs suffer from social perfectionism and introverted thinking. Introverted Thinking may be steering the ENFP towards an impossible social perfectionism. It makes them aware of all the flaws and differences in how they act, behave, and think compared to other people. It makes them overanalyze text messages and to doubt relationships, and makes them feel more insecure in groups and around other people.

Essentially, social anxiety means we do not feel truly safe or comfortable in a group. The ENFP is an iNtuitive and Perceiving type, and that means, they are rebellious, defiant, and sometimes go against the flow and the group norms. By going against the flow, you can free yourself a little from the anxiety. 

The ENFP Lover

Carl Jung had an archetype he coined “The Lover”. ENFPs are, alongside ESFP, ESFJ, and ENFJ personality types one of the lovers. Lovers seek and need connection. They embody the motto of freedom to be truly yourself with another person, and the ability to feel intimacy and friendship. The ENFP is a true romantic.

They have strong social values that come from Extroverted Feeling. This collides in part with the fact that they are strongly individualistic, and in part with the fact that they are rebels. Their quest for change and novelty can sometimes put them at collision course with the group and with their friends. 

How Can ENFPs Deal With Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is easier to deal with when you can learn to confront introverted thinking directly. Learn to lower pressure and to manage pressure. Don’t expect too much from yourself and ask other people what they expect from you.

Notice when people are overly controlling and when people judge you unfairly. Notice when you judge yourself unfairly. Recognize the thinking pattern in yourself. Tell yourself “I am being socially anxious right now.” “I am worrying about this right now.”

Notice the pattern and where your thoughts take you and decide not to go there and to instead focus on something you can control. Make friends and connections that respect and appreciate you as you are. Manage expectations on yourself and think about what you can reasonably expect from yourself, and what is unreasonable or too much for you. 

Focus on the interpersonal bond and the connection itself and how the other person is feeling or how you are feeling and what you are experiencing or what you have together. Communicate your feelings and let them communicate their feelings with you. 

Let me know what your best ENFP Social Anxiety advice is and what your strategies are for dealing with social anxiety in the comments below! 🙂