Why do people make it difficult to be a good person or to do good acts? Often, it seems like we tend to move the goalposts whenever it comes to making small, simple acts of kindness. If somebody cares for the animals, they have to go vegan; if somebody cares for the planet, they should quit flying and live on a farm; and if somebody cares about inequality, they should donate all their money to charity.
I often see this psychological defensive mechanism appear as a way for people to “convince themselves” out of doing small acts of kindness on an everyday basis. Dramatic changes tend to be unsustainable, and people who make these kinds of dramatic, quick, radical life changes often change their mind after a week and then go back to the status quo. Small, sustainable, and incremental change seems to be the most long-lasting and also the most significant.
Big, dramatic, and “great” acts of kindness, on the other hand, often require us to engage in unhealthy self-sacrifice, compromise our own boundaries, health, and goals for the sake of “the world.” It also takes away from the responsibility of other people, who also need to contribute and do their part. So are great acts of kindness even worth being inspired by? Should we be inspired by YouTuber MrBeast’s donations and seek to emulate his example? Was Mother Teresa really a saint? Was Gandhi really the good person he was made out to be? Should we all donate as much to charity as Bill Gates? Or should we take more inspiration from small acts of kindness done on an everyday basis?
If your friend loses a job, should you pay their bills and help them find a new job, or is it better to just provide emotional support and a listening ear? What makes you a better friend? Should you personally end poverty, or would it be enough just to pay for a homeless person who needs a meal?
Small, incremental acts tend to add up over time and can lead to big change over a longer time frame, and we often forget this. It takes almost zero effort from us but can easily spiral into a small daily habit or a ritual, which contributes to a lifetime of fulfilment and happiness. It can also stave away pridefulness or arrogance. When people make big acts of self-sacrifice, they can easily end up with feelings of entitlement, or vain pride.
This can lead them to rationalize later selfishness or bad behaviour. It can also make them immune to or ignorant of their own faults or issues. Small acts of kindness come with inherent humility. We recognize that we’re just one individual – that we can’t do much, and that we’re not doing a lot, and we own that. It’s okay to not be perfect, to not do everything, we do not have to personally fix all the problems in the world, and it’s enough if we do just enough. At least, that’s my opinion. I could be wrong. What do you think?
